Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb has revealed the best age to get married to avoid getting divorced.
The author of the New York Times bestseller “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone”, quotes a study by the Institute of Family Studies which stated there is an optimum age to get married to statistically avoid divorce.
The study claimed that the best time to marry is around the age of 25-30, saying ‘someone who marries at 25 is over 50 percent less likely to get divorced than someone who weds at age 20.’
The psychotherapist explained: “It’s obvious about marrying too young, that you don’t have the skills and you’re not established in your own life, you don’t necessarily have the maturity.
‘But once you get into your mid to late 20s, it’s an optimal time because you have a better sense of who you are. You know more of what you want and you can grow together as a couple.’
She continued: “You are going to have more shared experiences and you are going to know more about each other. Your parents are probably still alive on each side, you can get to know siblings, more integrated into each other’s lives.”
The study also found that prior to the age of 32, each additional year of age reduces the odds of divorce by 11 percent. However, after that the odds of divorce rate increases by 5 percent per year.
Lori explained: “As you get older you are more set in your ways, you are more rigid, you have different expectations, when you are younger you are more flexible. We get less open minded as we get older around relationships.
“We also have a history as we get older, we have more negative experiences of maybe been broken up with. Relationships that didn’t work out then inform the way that we behave in other relationships.
She continued: ‘We are punishing our current partner for a crime they didn’t commit, so if you were in a relationship before were someone didn’t treat you well, then you are less trusting of the partner you are with.
Some people think ”if I have more dating experience then I’m going to be a better partner later on” but it’s harder because you have all this baggage and the other person your age has all this baggage that they are bringing.”
Elsewhere Lori revealed people are increasingly setting unreal expectations when looking for a partner.
The psychotherapist said most people give up after one date because they ‘didn’t feel an initial spark’ however she revealed most people in long term relationships didn’t feel a smark on the first date either.
She said: “It’s really interesting that people use the first date as a guide, when people who are in love and attracted to each other often didn’t feel those sparks on the first one, two or three dates, maybe they were even friends for awhile.
“People don’t give each other the chance, to get to know the other person or let the other person get to know you because they have the allusion, thanks to dating apps, that there are so many more people out there.
“If you keep juggling people you are never going to get to know anybody and to know if that person is someone you want to be with.
“The question you ask yourself on the end of a first date should be ‘did I have a good time’, if the answer is yes then go on a second date, it doesn’t have to be life changing, just see what happens the second time.’
The author added that relationship expectations are different for both men and woman.
She said: “I think for men expectations are mostly built around appearance, for the younger generation especially because they are growing up on these ‘thirst traps’ that are posted on social media that have been filtered. So when they see people in real life they have really unrealistic expectations.”
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