Experts are increasingly sounding the alarm about a disturbing sex trend known as ‘stealthing’.
The act involves the man removing his condom mid-intercourse without his partner’s knowledge or consent.
Two 2019 studies found 12 percent of women have ever been a victim of stealthing and 10 percent of men admitted to having ‘stealthed’ a partner.
And in 2022, rapper Joe Budden publicly admitted on his podcast to having sex with partners who did not know he wasn’t wearing a condom, saying he ‘faked like I was putting a condom on before.’
Experts say stealthing isn’t just practiced because men prefer the feeling of sex without a condom, adding it usually stems from a man’s desire for control and dominance.
Rhiannon John, a sexologist at Bedbible.com, told DailyMail.com: ‘Some people may seek to assert dominance or disregard their partner’s autonomy, driven by a sense of entitlement or toxic beliefs about masculinity.
“Others might prioritize their own pleasure or the thrill of risk over the boundaries set within the relationship.
“In other cases, it can even stem from malicious intent, such as sabotage or reproductive control, where the act is used for manipulation or harm.”
Ms John added: “Regardless of the motivation, stealthing is a profound violation of trust and consent, reflecting a fundamental disregard for the emotional, physical, and psychological well-being of the victim.”
Jamie Wright, a trial attorney and founder of the Wright Law Firm in California, also told DailyMail.com stealthing ‘is usually born out of selfish desires, control, dominance, or lack of respect for ones’ partner’ and the risks are high and consequences devastating.
She said: “The risks of stealthing are severe. It increases the chances of contracting STIs and there is a high likelihood of getting pregnant, which the victims did not consent to.
“The psychological damage can also be severe. The victims tend to feel cheated and violated. Some of the effects that are usually experienced in the long run include anxiety and depression as well as difficulty in building trust in subsequent relationships.”
The study on stealthing among men found those with a greater hostility toward women and a more severe sexual aggression history had “significantly higher odds of engaging in nonconsensual condom removal behavior.”
Additionally, men who stealthed were also significantly more likely to have ever had a sexually transmitted infection diagnosis or have a partner who experienced an unplanned pregnancy.
Anonymous college students participating in a 2020 study said porn could be an influencer on the behavior.
One said: “I feel that the viewer will see stealthing in porn and think, oh it seems okay because the actor is doing it, then when I practice sex, it’ll be okay to do the same.”
Another added: ‘A lot of people will follow what others do or say. Whoever watches porn and sees that a condom was being used then removed without the consent of their partner then they will think it is okay to do the same.’
Over the last several years, people have been calling for stealthing to be classified as sexual assault or rape.
In 2021, California became the first state to prohibit stealthing, classifying it as sexual battery and making it a civil offense.
The author of the bill, State Assembly member Cristina Garcia, said reports of stealthing were increasing among women and gay men and the practice “causes long-term physical and emotional harms to its victims.
She added she hoped other states would follow with similar laws declaring that ‘stealthing is not just immoral but illegal.”
Bills in Vermont, Maine and Washington make it possible for stealthing victims to pursue civil action against perpetrators, but stop short of criminalizing the act.
Canada made stealthing, also called nonconsensual condom removal, a criminal offense in 2022 and in the UK, stealthing is considered rape.
Participants in the 2020 study said stealthing is on par with sexual assault and rape: “Things such as rape are against the law. I feel this goes hand in hand with stealthing because you removed the condom without their consent, without their knowledge.”
Another said: “If you end up with HIV you’re stuck with it for the rest of your life and if you contracted the disease through an act like stealthing I would consider it a crime because you are hurting the other person’s health either way.”
Dozens of women on social media have posted about their experiences with stealthing.
One Reddit user said she was stealthed by her ‘friend with benefits’ partner. She noticed he hadn’t worn a condom after their intercourse was finished and the man said it ‘must have fallen off,’ but the poster later found the condom wrapped in a paper towel in the trash.
She wrote: “I called him and told him I would no longer be dealing with him and I knew what he did. He thought it didn’t matter since we never used condoms for oral [sex] and admitted he took it off… No concern for unwanted pregnancies or anything.”
Another wrote she insisted a new partner wear a condom during sex and while he pushed back at first, he eventually put one on. After a few minutes, however, the poster wrote she saw he no longer had one on.
When she confronted him he told her ‘it fell off.’
While she went to the police to report the incident, she was told ‘no attorney would ever take my case since no law was broken.’ The poster did not specify where she lived at the time of assault.
Ms Wright told this website: “Although there are certain laws that ban stealthing in some areas, many victims have no legal protection they need and legal regulations should be tightened up.
To combat stealthing and to put the legal hand into full effect, the focus has to be on teaching people about consent, standing up for the victims and campaigning for tougher laws.”
Similarly, Ms John added: “Stealthing remains a legal gray area in many regions, with insufficient laws or policies to address it effectively. This leaves many victims without adequate recourse or protection and perpetuates the cultural and systemic issues that enable such violations.
“Clearly, there needs to be a more comprehensive effort to update laws, enforce accountability, and educate communities about consent and sexual autonomy.”
Many of the posters on social media said their experience with stealthing has mentally and emotionally impacted them long term.
And Ms John said the “psychological repercussions of stealthing can be great, leaving lasting emotional scars.”
She added: “Victims may grapple with intense feelings of violation and betrayal, as their trust has been disregarded. This can manifest as shame and guilt, even though the victim is not at fault, as well as anger and rage toward the perpetrator, the situation, or even themselves.
“For many, the experience can disrupt their sense of safety and control, leading to a loss of sexual desire or arousal and difficulty engaging in intimacy in the future. It may also create or exacerbate a fear of vulnerability, making it challenging to build trust or form healthy relationships.”
Discussion about this post